What a tough month. So much heart-scrunching moments. So much heartache. So much foul moods. So much frustration, sadness, disappointment. Yet no one knows. All the sigh's, all the quiet thinking moments, all the moments spent staring into space wishing that this toxic feeling would leave. Yet all the keeping it in has only helped to cultivate and accumulate the frustration, the pleads. It is so tiring. I am so tired of feeling like some bitter person and tearing because I know I've been bitter esp to ppl who don't deserve me to be spreading this kind of aura. It's only been lately that I feel so.. weird. Like I'm all smiles and laughter with friends but when I'm not, I'll be just curling into a ball and I don't move an inch but my mind is going crazy. All the tries to coax myself into feeling normal and the tries to tell myself that it'll pass. But it hasn't, it's just accumulated. And maybe when I look back in a few days I'll laugh at how pathetic I am now. How I let such things get to me. Such petty stuff. But now, I feel so, binded. So caught in this vortex of negativity. I get so easily angered and frustrated. I get ticked off at my mum. I get so sensitive. And this doesnt help. This things said, the ignorance that I need someone to cheer me up the disapointment when you look to someone wishing they would free you from this feeling yet you find that that person can't and that only helps bring you down more. The plead to hear something that you're longing to hear.. but you don't hear it in the end. The wish that someone would care more and be there for you and realize what you're feeling even when you don't say it. Useless useless useless. All the false hope... Yes. It truly has been a tough month. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe you can give me the stars but I insist on the moon. Or maybe you're not even giving me the sky. Everytime I try to reassure myself but maybe things just are the way they are. The black, the black. And the white, forever white.