heart of glass

NEWWWWWWW!

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 12:18:58 GMT

I HAVE MOVED!

Okay it's not really big news since not alot of ppl rread my blog but i thought that it would just be courteous to say so :(

www.speckss.blogspot.com I know, so ORIGINAL :D

WELL LINK ME! And pester me to update more often!

Do you hear the melodious chirps?

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 04:42:15 GMT

If only the colours in my mind could come out and bare itself on the plain canvas before me. It would after all benefit alot of people; me, you, him and her, right? As I said earlier, I didn't feel the need to explain myself to anyone.. Hmm. Well, I'm obviously a wreck lately. New emotions run through my head and body and I try my best to screen these emotions into ones that prolly aren't as.. well, emotions that I'm willing to compromise to.

Well, I definitely wish the best to myself in being able to not be so -as people may refer me to- emotional. Ahh.. right.

Sally sally, come with me.
Oh where to darling?
Does it matter where we are going? Is it not enough that anywhere gone together is sweet and blissful enough?
I am sorry, excuse my ignorance my dear. I should never have questioned you.
'Tis alright my dear. Now come, let us go.
And there they go frolicking through the plains and into the unknown.
Oh dear, this place is simply wonderful! The smells, the atmosphere and of course there is you..
Hush, my love. Let us not ruin the love between us with what there is to say but let us share with each other what there is to feel.
Sally and her unknown lover then make love till the wee hours of the morning. Stamina my dear friends, is the key!
Oh my, that sure was beautiful.
Sally my dear, what is beautiful is you and nothing else.
Darling, is this true? You say such sweet things to me and there is no other I would rather love but you.
Sally..
From sunny skies to skies of a purple hue, Sally and her lover played in their haven and did things that lovers usually did together. Oh what a lovely couple! Nothing can ever break this special bond that is shared between them.
Dear? Are you there? I am finally awake, ready for another day of fun and adventure! Oh, I had the most wonderful dream where you and I had 3 kids, Pott, Potty, Potter and sweet young Mary-Anne. Dear, are you there?
The crickets felt bad for Sally and tried with much effort to kill the silence of the surroundings.
Of course he'll come back. He loves me.. we even made love with full feeling! He is not one to take advantage of a love that is so pure and true for him. Oh dear, maybe he left because I did not say enough. Maybe I did not succumb enough to the act of making love as much as he'd like! It is my fault.
As Sally continues to battle with her thoughts, the skies decide that it was time to sleep.
Sally then notices a note carved on a rock. Oh this must be a romantic note I reckon! She then reads it aloud..
Sally, you have body that would make even the most beautiful god cringe with envy. It was after spending countless of -gruelling, or none for some- hours with you in this place that I had decided that I could not love you. You are too dependant on this love. You need me, whereas, I don't need you. I shall try to say this in the most professional and old-time-ish way.. Goodbye. There are no sweet words that can even try to dampen the effect that I'm sure it will have on you. So yes, sex was good but here I go!
Sally shrieks with despair and anger. Was this love.. is this the love that she often heard people talk about? The kinds of love where the lover would constantly shower her with sweet flowery words, and soft gentle whispers of 'I love you's? Obviously it was not and Sally knew this.
Goodbye sweet and cruel world! How can I ever live on with knowing that I had been cheated by the most sought after emotion in the world. No, I cannot! So with this, goodbye..
Sally takes up the rock and hammers herself to death. Oh, how tragic! And the story ends..

Oh the irony :P

Fairytales are not Reality.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 03:01:24 GMT

I've come to my senses that the thing that is breaking me down is the thing that people would be proud to be.

Pic frm: *kixvn, deviantart.

Oh, how devastatingly sad it is that this is the truth that I finally see.

P/s: Not emo but is merely an epiphany :)
P/p/s: Epiphanies occur at the most random of moments. Like on the route back to home.

Does the sun complement the rain?

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:55:44 GMT

Tuning into: The Fratellis - Babydoll.

I don't feel the need to explain who I am, now.

Which is better?
Hollow or heartless?

The Way the Cookie Crumbles and Dies..

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 11:33:39 GMT

What a tough month. So much heart-scrunching moments. So much heartache. So much foul moods. So much frustration, sadness, disappointment. Yet no one knows. All the sigh's, all the quiet thinking moments, all the moments spent staring into space wishing that this toxic feeling would leave. Yet all the keeping it in has only helped to cultivate and accumulate the frustration, the pleads. It is so tiring. I am so tired of feeling like some bitter person and tearing because I know I've been bitter esp to ppl who don't deserve me to be spreading this kind of aura. It's only been lately that I feel so.. weird. Like I'm all smiles and laughter with friends but when I'm not, I'll be just curling into a ball and I don't move an inch but my mind is going crazy. All the tries to coax myself into feeling normal and the tries to tell myself that it'll pass. But it hasn't, it's just accumulated. And maybe when I look back in a few days I'll laugh at how pathetic I am now. How I let such things get to me. Such petty stuff. But now, I feel so, binded. So caught in this vortex of negativity. I get so easily angered and frustrated. I get ticked off at my mum. I get so sensitive. And this doesnt help. This things said, the ignorance that I need someone to cheer me up the disapointment when you look to someone wishing they would free you from this feeling yet you find that that person can't and that only helps bring you down more. The plead to hear something that you're longing to hear.. but you don't hear it in the end. The wish that someone would care more and be there for you and realize what you're feeling even when you don't say it. Useless useless useless. All the false hope... Yes. It truly has been a tough month. Maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe you can give me the stars but I insist on the moon. Or maybe you're not even giving me the sky. Everytime I try to reassure myself but maybe things just are the way they are. The black, the black. And the white, forever white.

Bixby Canyon Bridge.

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 14:54:36 GMT

This is for the girls!

People have come and go in our little circle of ours. Some come and leave a memory whilst some didn't even belong in the first place. I try to be open minded abt the people that enter and sometimes I feel sad when some left. Before it was us Zaf, Kelli, Sarah, Sam, Lisha and I. I guess things don't change because we still are like colours on a spectrum. All very different from each other. I suppose that the one thing that brought us closer was that all of us played netball except for Sam? Haha, I used to think.. "Wow! Everyone in our group is good at something." And I still think that way :) The one thing that I was really proud of was that everyone in this circle was a good person, we weren't like those bunch of girls who talk about all those little fancy rainbow paris hilton lovin kinda things. We were different :)

We've been through so much. All the "Shit laer, we came first how come we don't get to sit =_=" and trying to fit us into tables! And the "I can't believe she did that!!!!" Well, hehe we gossiped :F All the birthday "SURPRISES" for each other. HAHA. Seriously though, gotta work on that! But yeah, we sure had our moment where we would laugh so hard we couldn't breathe.

And though now, things are different. New people have come and some have gone what with the new boyfriends and friends, all I wish for is that everyone is happy to be where they finally are. Though parting was not easy, I'm glad that they too get their own happiness even if it means leaving us :P Hehe. Buut hey, everyone deserves the right to be happy yes?

I guess it's just upsetting that I feel that we're so close yet so far. I know that we're still good friends but of course, it's not as good as before. Perhaps I was not a good enough friend and perhaps this one is. Whatever it may be, I just hope you don't chuck me to the side because it'd be a waste to throw away this friendship.

Action always speaks louder than words. I believe it's time to put your beliefs into motion.

Olivia, thank you for being such a great friend. I know I don't show it often and we don't talk as much as we used to but thank you :)

All in all, thank you guys so much for everything. I suppose it is difficult for me to say how much I really am grateful for all you've done.. So if you're reading this; I love you guys so much.

I Will Possess Your Heart.

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:18:47 GMT

Ahh! Going crazy with this new routine that only involves Study, sleep, eat, bath bla bla bla.. no going out :( Well, they didn't say that but it is SO IMPLIED. Since i'm not even allowed to go out with volleyball buddies to play badminton :( I was crushed... esp since this is exercise man =_______________= Garghghg.

I dont know why i'm going crazy already esp since I just started doing the study routine like.. Yesterday? HAHa wth. (And I am minusing a few hours :( BUT ITS NOT THAT I WANT TO I JUST CANT :( :( I"M SO HUNGRAAAAAAY.)

This holidays I think.. I'll end up being fat. Not because I'm eating alot of MEALS but rather SUB-MEALS.. OR JUNK. T_______T Omgai man...........................

I think you can tell today's entry is not one with ze proper english.

MOVINGZ ON. I got pictures and I've been doing this kinda like.. A picture a Day kinda thing but of course I'm not doing it like.. I MUST GET A PICTURE A DAY... nah, it's for fun :) So ladies and gentlemen, these are the pics of my week. Don't assume they're all like.. Ooh this pic is Monday.. This pic is Tuesday.. It's random. :D

Lalalala. Here you goooo!

Went to the market and I saw Hippie Van :D

And in the market, I ate Thosai Tisu and drank Limau Suam since they didn't have ice :(

The view of the primary school from the bunch of those flowers which we used to suck the nectar from when we were kids?

Suyiin gave me a cccoooooookiee! (L) I love you yiin! Thanks you I like it :3

LIKE YAY. Finally after a FEW WEEKS OF CONSTRUCTION KFC IS BACK WITH A SPANKIN SMEXY LOOK :D:D:D:D:D:D HOW MANY 'KFC' WORDS DO YOU SEE? I see five :D This is like advertisement to the maxxxx :D:D Hehe. It really does look very nice :)

Ate here on Sunday morning. This place serves kinda like a mixture of western and oriental breakfast :) Sarah likes it here and it's in the heart of KL :D Heehee I drank Milo Ais and ate roti BABI. @_@

The view frm the outside of the shop! KOOOL EH?! I fink so.

The popular at/near Petaling Street.

Temple near Petaling Strreeet :)

Oh Woowz. Such wonderfuul pictures I sure had fun how bout you?!?!

I am very restless and hungry. Please excuse my language in this entry. I HAVE TUITION LATERKJDKSJKDJASKJDKLSAJDA.. Die lorr..

GooBAI T_T

p/s been listening to DCFC's I will Posses Your heart alot. I love it! It's so enchanting, haunting lol. Err. I play it lots :D
p/p/s: I love you adriaaaaaan! : l *hugsss*

My goal is not to be perfect.

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:29:35 GMT

Hello all. It's been a 'rough' time lately, more to the self inflicted path of course. I didn't do to well for my Trials and I suppose that these are the marks that I deserve since I got them right? xD Well, only thing to do is to look forward and try really hard. I can't lie that I'm feeling rather demotivated but I'm sure we all have our moments. So FTW! Lol.

For my trials, I got 2D's, 2C's and 4B's. Oh em gee some of you might be thinking. Well to salvage abi of your respect for me (hehe) we IGCSE students have to get 80 and above for A's and 70 and above for B's :( No complaints tho! D's for add maths and English. Oh gosh, I fear that getting a D for English would make people think of me as being some girl who can't write or speak properly.. I CAN! C's for Phy (T_T) and Bio (very dissapointing) and B's for Acc, Bus, Maths and Chem.

Yes. Not too good. But a few of my classmates did well like Yan and Yuming! Nice one man :) Of course many more did well also la, but it'll take awhile to type all the names out (ceh, suck up)

Lately, things have not been perfect. The feelings that have been felt, the energy drains, perceptions, etc. I suppose that this is just a phase that I will just have to go through like any other phase.

I know it takes me a while to see eye to eye with people's views on things and I know that I just need time to.. comprehend. Because I think.. that I'm a very practical person. It has to make sense for me to understand it easier. It may also be due to my upbringing that I am this way. Of course I am not saying that it is a bad thing, but it does have its.. flaws?

No one is perfect after all and I've never tried to be perfect so I accept it as my flaw and try my best to ease up on it.

That was prolly the reason why I couldnt agree with your actions and I can't say that I still do agree with it because it just doesn't go with who I am. And I know I've done my part and have had my say. So, there really is no reason for me to be upset anymore because in the end the only person that can make a change is yourself. Of course, I don't judge you and I don't think I will ever but I suppose I just need more time to accept that it does happen.

That's the problem with staying in a bubble. You rid yourself of all this knowledge and when you leave that bubble and find out that the world wasn't as how you perceived it to be, you just end up in shock, disbelief and in dissapointment. I blame myself for not exposing myself more to the things that have been happening around me.

I think all in all, you can never EVER EVER judge a book by its cover because you might most probably end up in.. dissapointment.

Regarding friendship,

I know that sometimes I may not be the best friend or that I may not speak to you often or everyday or I don't chat with you on MSN or talk on the phone but that does not mean that I don't appreciate my friends. I just have trouble keeping up with friends ._. this is the BITTER BITTER truth. It's not that I don't care because I really do care abt my friends but it's just the way i am o_o

I have been trying to make myself better and hopefully I do get to show my friends more how much I appreciate all that they've done for me.

So yes, if you have a relationship with me and we don't talk as much as very good friends should, but it will never ever mean that I don't think abt you or that I don't care about you.

This actually applies to a few friends.
Thank you and much love.

In the newspaper I read somewhere that true love is not when your whole world revolves around that person, but when you're mature enough to know who you are and what you want.

I believe that this is indeed a very interesting statement and perhaps it does hold some truth in it. Sometimes when I look at my parents, it's not that they hug a lot or kiss in front of us xD, but.. you know.. I can just tell that they love each other from the way that they talk to each other. The way they listen to each other and converse. They do it with respect. It's not that they shower each other with flowery compliments because my dad is SOOO not the type xD but well.. I guess true love is something you can truly see without them even touching each other. It's like there's this invisible bond between them and it's beautiful.

I can only aspire to have something like that.
Haha. God, feeling a little emotional talking abt how I feel abt my parents xD

Family,
That is my number one.
And it will never change.

Family to me is the most important thing for me. I know that I don't have MANY friends but it doesn't really matter because I feel that I have a wonderful family and it all just balances la :P

Words, truly, truly cannot express how strong my emotions are for my family. Without them, I truly am nothing. And I don't say this like an empty nut, I mean it in the greatest way possible. No one will ever love you as much as your family will. They will never judge you, they will always be there no matter what and to do that is already a great feat.

Also, props to my dear friends whom are feel are almost like my family. No amount of riches or gold can ever sum up to how much they are worth. Priceless and special in their own special way.

I know that I'm not the tallest, thinnest, smartest, prettiest but I feel richer than all of that combined. To have people treasure you for the way you are, hair and all xD Yes, this is a blessed life.

I am not perfect, but it is alright.
I would never want to be.
My life is beautiful with its imperfections.
And my friends and family are the colours in my life,
making everyday awessssoome!

Heh, if it's sappy' sorry ya'll!

Yes yes yes.

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 05:51:18 GMT

Credit: *emaleth @ deviantart

The winter is here and no one is around. No one but me. The hallways echo the sounds of the long forgotten. But I still speak. The streets are empty. Only I can fill them. The space is infinite, for me to try to fill.

The silence is no longer friendly. Burning me, treating me with hostility. Emotions have run dry like the tears that can no longer flow. This is what I have become.

I am emotionless. I am hollow. I am nothing. Sadness? What is that? Happiness? Is there such a word? I only respond to warmth.

I long for the days of play with the people whom matter. I wish for the suns' rays to hug me tight. For the sounds of laughter and joy to echo in my ears. For the sight of happiness.

Though I fear that I can no longer wait for something that might never appear. Absence is here and we cannot co-exist. Because of this, I falter. Because I'm weak. Because it's inevitable. Because this is my world; I fall.

Kuchi Kuchi!

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 11:01:37 GMT

Tuning in to: Nirvana's About A Girl. Yum yum!

So yes, exam fever is in the air for these little O Levels candidates. Today was totally anal no doubt. Please laer, whose so smart as to put Phy 3, Chem 3, and Business paper 1 on the same day?! THATS SO FRYING.

Anyhoos, here I am with about like 5 thousand dead brain cells. Just to share something I created and god it makes sense!

Try to decipher it :D

You can kiss a polevault,
Or stab a trusted dog,
They'll be the biased refree,
to maintain the fibres in the log.

You can stone your hen,
Or fraud your white paper,
But the dog with it's tail behind,
Will still follow you home later.

You can murder your curtains,
or even drown a fish,
The bears will still be lame,
Like sticks on a leash.

Why the prejudice thoughts,
Or the preference in 'unacceptable' acts,
Is the black, the white,
When the stars lack?

Perhaps we should say,
"Come our turtles, let's play!"
Dispose of the unfair thoughts,
And thoughts befor say.

Okay that's all I've thought of so far. =_= Well I hope I can continue it because I think it hold alot of truth. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, it's just I thing I suppose.

Lately there's been alot of things polluting my mind. All the negativity and all. I feel like it's causing me to be biased and I know this is merely a phase but god! I need my mind to be free. Like a clean slate you know?

Yuming said I'm becoming more rude D: Omgai la. I must stop myself before I become any worse o_o. Well he keeps calling me asshole and things like dick*toot* which doesn't really help! xD It's okay tho, we're used to it. Haha. What a weird boy.

Sigh. There's just so many things to question right now. So many unsettled things like wth laer, why am I so.. complicated? Why can't I just eat, shit, breathe, laugh and be happy? Why do humans chooose to complicate their lives? It's cause we can't live without the drama! We can't live with the simple routines! Always wanting to be involved in this and that and listening abt other ppl's lives even if it doesnt concern us at all.

Haha, I'm definitely a victim of that. Cause gossip is woww. All this estrogen hormones. Bleh.

I suppose that this is where I shall say my goodbyes and hope live goes well for you :) Think circles! They're neverending lol.

(Felt the need to highlight and bold the good words :P Except frying of course. That's to exaggerate. Heehee)